you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
last night I used snow as a chaser
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
