Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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