I wannas sexs uuuuu
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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