Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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