Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
