i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
