this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
ttyl tear gas
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
