I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
