ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
