Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
