I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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