I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
