I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
