Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
