first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
