Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
