Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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