i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
