Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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