My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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