I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
