Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
