I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
