So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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