Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
