also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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