i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
