Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Apparently you make a good broom.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
