I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
