I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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