I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize