i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
