I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
