Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
