god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
