Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think your dad took our porno
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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