This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
