so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
only you would photoshop your dick
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
