You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
