Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
