When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
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