Pants 0. Shit 1.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
