This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
