4 words: hood of his car
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
