I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
