Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
