Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
try to milk me bitch
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