The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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