I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
