...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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