Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
