Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
