so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
