Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
