so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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