Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
