he wants to bone in the snuggie
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
