why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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