I wanna bring you to show and tell
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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