If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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