I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
