i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize