she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
