Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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